This past Sunday, she had to go to the hospital again and she is still being taken care of with a week gone by. After hearing one of the doctors say that she might need a tracheotomy to live or she would pass away in the hospital, I was terrified and a nervous wreck because I would have to be the one to make that decision. I was trying to keep my mind off of it when I could no longer take thinking about it, but feeling guilty at the same time that I wasn't thinking about the situation. So many difficult emotions.
Thankfully, today she was able to get off of the breathing machine and is now using just oxygen again. She's not out of the woods yet, but I'm just so thankful that she is improving little by little. Now they plan on doing some breathing therapies with her.
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for her. I truly believe that prayer is power.
This all happened four days after having such a wonderful, incredible, awesome time with BSB in Chicago for their soundcheck, show, and afterparty. It was nice to be able to have those moments to keep me going during this tough time, but bittersweet that it had to be so close to something so terrifying. Whenever something scary or difficult happens, I always use BSB's music, Nick's music, and my memories with the guys to make me feel better and it always helps. I'm so thankful to them for this reason. It's always been BSB and Nick that can pull me through.
So a day after my mom is admitted into the hospital, I find out that I won Nick's vip contest for Chicago! I couldn't believe it! I was and am so happy and thankful! It was just what I needed to keep me going and I took it as a way of Nick being there and supporting me. Now for the first time, I'll be able to take someone to the soundcheck/vip with me. Thank you so much Nick and I am so excited to be able to see you that day and hear you sing!
I also seen the tweet Nick sent to someone who wrote him a letter saying to them, "I read your letter and want you to know that no matter how hard it gets there will always be better days ahead. Stay strong" and I used Nick's inspiring words to keep me going too. I can only imagine how many more people he influenced and helped with that tweet and doesn't realize it. He is such an inspiration to me and so many people and the cool thing is that he's still just an ordinary cool guy that isn't stuck up. That's what makes him so special.
Highs and lows. Glad I have highs, but I despise the lows in life. Guess I wouldn't know how good the highs are without the lows, but it's tough and sometimes-well, most of the time-I feel like it's all up to me and I have no support.
And because of all of this going on, I felt the need to find a way to connect to Nick in some way so I picked up a copy of Doctor Sleep, the Stephen King book Nick is reading, at work (I work as a children's librarian) and I'm about half way through the first half. It's keeping me interested so far and that's always a good sign, especially since I tend to read a lot of nonfiction. I haven't been able to read it at night though lol. I'm wondering why it took Stephen King this long to write the follow-up to The Shining. The librarian in me thinks it's cool Nick likes to read during his downtime and it would be a fun idea to have our own bookclub through Nick's fanclub. Here's a picture Nick posted with the book and as something fun for me to do, I took my own picture. I'm wondering what page Nick is on.
In the meantime, I'll be praying for my mom, working, and trying to keep up with all things BSB. Thank you for your prayers and for reading.
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